January and a review of my 2021.

Just when you thought everything will be better after the clock hits 12, on the very last day of December, all ready for the next year to come, a pandemic still exists. It’s been two years since it started and you thought it’ll end just like that but it didn’t. It got bad then worse then worst and then better then it got worse again (as of writing, I’m isolating because a family member tested positive for Covid).

Last year, 2021 might be one of those years that does not have anything major that happened in my life. It was “meh” for the most part. I have got plans but because we have been restricted by the pandemic, all of these goals and plans I have for this year seemed impossible to achieve and difficult. Waking up has become an arduous task. Classes and work have become extra hard to do when it literally was just the same each year. Online classes sucked and it have not worked for me in my last semester of 2021 (failed supplementary exams twice and one unattempted subject). Work had become so stressful that it just affected my mental health. I would just remember crying because I hated what I do even when I have been doing it for two years now. I used to love it then I hated doing what I do. And my way of coping up is just as unhealthy as the thoughts in my head. It was not a bad year but it can’t be thought of as a good year either.

I hung out with my cousin MJ, for as much as I can during this year and I honestly had fun. Especially that I get to tell someone how I feel, what my thoughts are and the emotions that I have trouble identifying when I’m alone. I was grateful for it. I cried so much to the point of exhaustion. I lost sleep, because of thinking and I had unhealthy ways of being distracted. My screen time is at an all time high and seems like it never went down even when I tried reading books. I was counter-productive and I am aware but never attempted to address it.

Back to January of 2022. A new year. It was not as exciting as how I remembered new years from before but it is good enough to know that another year has gone by. It was better than the last. The food, the vibes, the people we celebrate with is what makes every new years meaningful. It may never go back to normal but at least we get to gather core memories each time.

12th of January was the hardest. I lost my grandma and I had not processed this after two weeks maybe? I know this was much more difficult for my mum because obviously it is her mother who passed, and I cried whenever she cried. I wish I could do more but I’m not too sure what. It was a pretty eventful first of the month as we got all sick after that. My dad testing positive for covid, my brothers getting coughs and colds, all of us having to isolate, me bringing our food into our rooms, mum nursing us all. It was hectic. I got sick last. With recurring fever and the worst coughs and colds I’ve ever had in my life. All this whilst grieving for our grandma who we can’t even visit as she was buried in the Philippines. Bless her soul. I missed her to this day.

I think I, or we can all agree that the past two years of having covid has been pretty tiring for some of us if not all. But I am thankful for getting by. Moving on and forward in life. I wish for us to have more resilience to the next hours, days and years that will come and I am looking forward for all the glow ups possible not only for myself but for the people I truly care about. Even the ones I just happen to pass by on the streets who had put a smile on face upon seeing them.

New years resolutions. Welp, I have not thought of that, or I may have but I don’t really work well with that. I think? I’ll still try despite failing most the past years. Wish me luck this year! There is a couple that I have in mind which I have been wishing for, for the past few years now but they’re still wishes so my goal is to make them happen this year. :’>

GOALS

BE CONFIDENT. As a highly insecure bish who cares so much about what people thinks of her or her actions, my goal is to let it get through me once but forget about it and move on. I know I have not done anything wrong so I needed to not dwell so much on things that does not serve me and my NOW. I need not to. Be confident in a way that I am able to think of myself as the main character, in my own story with many plots and twists and turns. I think it is also me wanting to not offend anyone so I care so much. And if I did do something terrible I’m gonna be able to reflect on it and learn as I go. I think that is what being confident means to me. Stepping outside my comfort zone while not stepping on other people’s boundaries.

Live up to the name. FELICE. I know I was given this name for a reason. Felice is happy, joyous and bright. I wanted to be Felice. To put smiles on other people’s faces and make sure they felt seen or cared for. This thought makes me giddy LOL.

Be more present. What I mean by this is to be more conscious on what is happening now. To not be so over in my head, just fantasising on things I wanted to happen in my life but to actually live it. Pretty similar with getting out of my comfort zone but to a more extreme level. Meet people on all different backgrounds and talk to them. Build connections, earn more money because capitalism would not be leaving anytime soon hehe.

TRAVEL. Need I say more?

Anyway I am ending this writing here now but I am definitely going to write more. This isn’t the last so I will see you next time! I will see you the next time I open medium and re-read the once I have published. Take care and stay safe.

❤ Jace

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